An unbelonging.

The body has been fighting to stay alive and the screams have been heard. Like sought of a light at the end of the tunnel. The aching limbs have testified that the struggle is almost over. Try to float to the surface it bellows. Something like a rumble trembling for the whole body to hear. An earthquake. Although the message is heard by the whole body it knows that the other parts of it have succumbed to the silence and and have chosen death. The eyes see the slither of sharp white as the eyelids try to not succumb. The message travels to the other parts again. An uneven louder bellowing. There is light. As if suddenly aware that this is water, this is water and this body is made of water – it begins to make jerking movements heading for the surface. What was once still becomes loud and chaotic. Becomes loud and unsteady. The surface breaks and the body almost floats. Almost because it is not moving at the top but the slither of light is felt. The rest of the body, close to totally succumbing, awakes again and breaks the surface of the water completely. It is alive. It survived. But it cannot know to what extent this survival means. What was lost? In all the time that it was submerged and nestled by death as the waters gathered, what was lost? A jolt and another jerking, towards land. When I eventually make it to shore, there are tears and I am once again reminded that the unbelonging of my body when I was underwater felt like a call to come back. Like a reminder that these limbs and this body are sending messages to one another and like chinese whispers they are sometimes lost, but I am not lost. I am here and I am feeling.

I am feeling…again.